WHAT IS IT?
A butt toy with something of an identity crisis. Is it a buttplug? Well, the 6 inch handle poking out of your ass may be a bit of a give away if wearing it in public. Is it a probe? Um, possibly, though I always think of probes being thinner. Is it a dildo? Well, sort of...I guess...I don’t know. One thing though, it's a damn good fuck.
A kinky cosh. The somewhat non-descript appearance means you could leave this on the kitchen top and explain it away as a trendy new egg beater. If anything, its looks do lack a certain character, but hey, it does what it's designed to do very well. Function definitely wins out over style.
Bendy enough to get to those tricky places. Rigid enough for a tasty reaming. Very smooooooth.
By no means for beginners, but probably a little streamline for the traffic cone crowd. One for the pro-am assturbator.
I've had this for over a year now & give or take a bit of discolouration, it's still going strong. It’s been subjected to marathon sessions, hot baths, and a cornucopia of oils, lubes and cleaning products - it’s had quite a road test.
So, what do you want out of your butt-toy? A slow, relaxing, sensual probing? Perhaps you like the idea of something smooth nudging tenderly at your puckered ring. Gently, it invites itself in, gorgeously stretching those muscles, creating a warm, cosy fullness. Want it to tantalizingly explore all those places that feel so naughty, yet so good? Mmmm. Okay… On the other hand, maybe you want a totally brutal, indulgently selfish, "fuck me till it hangs open", Rocco style, asshole annihilation? Possibly, you're in a slutty mood - just needing to be rendered a quivering, lube filled, gaping, sweaty mess? Call me greedy, but I want something that’ll do all of the above; and that's where The Assmaster comes in. This is a toy that can play both nice and nasty.
The first thing that strikes you is its smoothness. If you need veins, ribs, speed bumps, hills and valleys etc, you’re out of luck here. There's a great little neck half way down, but that's it. The gradual taper eases you in nicely, while your anus locks down comfortably round the neck. I've had many a relaxing, stretching session with this. The toy’s flexible enough to use in a variety of positions, and will go to all those out of the way places.
The Assmaster, though, is also built for speed – it’s something of a dragster among butt toys. That totally smooth surface, combined with a well designed handle, means you can go about your rectal reaming at one hell of a velocity. You can ram away to your ass’s content without encountering the irritating "ring-sting" that arises from more textured surfaces. The neck, halfway down, feels divine pistoning in and out of your anus, leaving it twitching, gaping hungrily for more. Thankfully, though, this Assmaster won’t inanely shout “Beeeeaaaaammmm!” like a demented gibbon when you show it your gaper (Though maybe there’s missed tie-in opportunity here – “Now with the JY LeCastel voice chip!”).
Now for the cons:
That smoothness is great. However sometimes, after going at it hammer & tongs, you do start to crave something with a more interesting surface - especially when your reaming arm gets a case of the cramps.
A lack of a “base” goes against all that worthy anal toy advice - the stuff about not letting things get sucked “up there” - like our rectums were some kind of industrial vacuum, hoovering up all in their path. A little common sense is probably required.
That colour – just plain dull.
Lots to recommend, with only very minor niggles. Lube it up & treat your pucker to the Master.
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